Week 1 and 2: Loving Discipline

Raising Christ- Centered Children

Week 1and 2: Loving Discipline

         

Question is: How can we discipline our children with unconditional love?

Watch Parenthood season 2 episode 11 parts 16, 31, 40.

INTRODUCTION:
What is discipline?

         to train by instruction and exercise; drill

         to bring to a state of order and obedience by training

        

What is unconditional love?

         To love no matter what

When you discipline your child do you couch it in love?

Why discipline your child?

Discipline is a long vigilant task of guiding a child from infant to adult- allowing him to act as a responsible adult in society.

**Punishment is the negative of discipline- it must be a part at times, but not always

OUR HEART

 Proverbs 4:23- Your heart is a wellspring of life- behavior is an outward expression of what is happening in the heart.

 Luke 6:45- Our mouth speaks what our heart overflows

Let’s look at discipline from a biblical way rather than a behavior modification way… Change the heart rather than changing the behavior.

LOVE LANGUAGES

Hebrews 12: 6-12 See how our discipline is because of love. 

How can we affirm our love for our child during discipline?

Gary Chapman wrote a book called the 5 Love Languages of Children.  He says that each person child or not had a love language in which they “speak”. The language is either: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts or acts of service.

It is important to figure out the love language in of our child in order to understand why he/she acts in the way they do. No matter what though- love is the foundation of all the languages.  No matter what language works best for your child the love must be unconditional. They are loved no matter what the behavior. According to Chapman no child can receive too much appropriate unconditional love. “True unconditional love will never spoil a child because it is impossible for parents to give too much of it.”

Speak all 5 languages with your child but he/she will crave one more than the other.

Gary Chapman Interview (1:21)

Other obvious things about Discipline and Children that Chapman points out that we must be reminded of are:

"1- They are children

2- They tend to act like children

3- Much childish behavior is unpleasant

4- If I do my part as  a parent and love them, despite their childish behavior, they will mature and give up their childish ways

5- If I love them only when they please me and if I express my love to them only at those times, they will not feel genuinely loved. Damaging their self image

6- If Iove them only when they meet my requirements or expectations they will feel incompetent and will believe it is pointless to do their best, since it is never enough.

7- If Iove them unconditionally, they will feel comfortable about themselves and will be able to control their anxiety and behavior as they grow into adults."

1 John 3:18 “ Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”

Discipline is an act of love. The more a child feels love, the easier it is for them to accept the discipline. Accepting the guidance without resentment or hostility.

Read example from book- 1721-1722

Before we discipline a child- what do we need to think about?

Before effectively disciplining a child we need to ask 2 questions:

1- How does a child love?

2- What does my child need when he/she misbehaves?

         Is their love tank filled?

         Is there a physical need? Hunger, sleep, ill,

         Does my child feel sorry for what he/she has done?

         Has he/she learned and repented?

         (healthy conscience- guilt)

         Show your forgiveness once they show true                                   

          sorrow.

Why do parents sometimes give into their children?       

How does that show a lack of concern for the child?

WISDOM COMES FROM CORRECTION

         Proverbs 13:24; what does this infer about consistency in discipline?

Proverbs 22:15 and 29: 15-17 Correction could be redirection, changing the environment, replace a poor choice with a better one.

If the discipline does not work then punishment is necessary partnered with unconditional love.  

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE OF GOD

We demonstrate unconditional love when we discipline our children for their good. Just as God disciplines us for our own good

Refer back to Hebrews 12 from earlier. Discipline is proof that God loves us and we belong to him.

God’s discipline is for our own good.

Our love for our child is unconditional and unwavering just as God’s love is that way for us. With God as our role model we discipline our children. We need to always ask for God’s guidance in disciplining and do it without self-centered motives.

“Although discipline is painful for children and parents alike, it trains our children to respect authority and leads to holiness. We discipline in love hoping our children will learn to understand God’s unconditional love and will obey Him in response.”

How should we deal with the anger we sometimes feel when disciplining? What do we do if we have lost control and have disciplined in an unloving way? Will the child behave differently when we discipline this way rather than with calmness?

  

FORGIVENESS:

We must forgive our children just as Christ forgave us.

Psalm 103: 8-13

Colossians 3:12-17

Once we confess our sins, God’s forgiveness overflows and he forgets our sins. We must forgive as Christ forgives; with a heart of compassion, kindness, gentleness and patience.

This is an important step often overlooked.

Why is it essential to restoring a relationship with our children?

How might our lack of forgiveness teach our children?

How do we clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience?

APPLICATION:

The focus of our discipline needs to be the heart, not merely outward behavior. We need to be consistent and raise our children to glorify God with their behaviors and to love God as he loves us- with unconditional love and forgiving us as we forgive others.

Deut. 6: 4-9