Raising Teenagers

Raising Counter-Cultural Teenagers

Question to be answered:

Does “Christian Youth” need to be an oxymoron?

Introduction:

What was your faith like when you were a teen? Who was key in your faith development at that time?

See YouTube Christian Smith

“One of the most powerful realizations taken from our research is how formative parents are in their teenagers’ lives. They often don’t realize it, but parents are the most significant influences on their teenage children’s faith lives. I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say that normally the most important pastor a young person is going to have is his or her father and mother- for better or worse.”

Parents hold the primary positions of pastor, shepherd, model, mentor, disciple maker, Jedi master…. Modeling is the key.

Point 1: Model loving God to your children

*Speak by Example:

Preteens and teens tend to put the actions and words of adults under a microscope. They are actively watching you and how you handle situations around you. They will emulate what you do.

1 John 3:18 “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”

What do you fear as a model or disciple for your child?

*Discuss Hard Topics:

Have open honest communication with your child from an early age and it will be a pattern that continues into the teens years.  It helps them know that you can be trusted with tough questions.

*Share faith intentionally:

Have your shared your Christ journey with your child? Have you shared God’s working in your life?

*Forgive Mistakes:

We all do things we regret. Allow your child to ask forgiveness and then forgive.
“if a teenager stays out past curfew but admits it and apologizes, dole out a fair consequence, then move on. If trust dissolves after one mistake, your teen has no motivation for doing what’s right. He/she may rebel and become secretive and sneaky.” Says Nordman

*Respect spiritual insights:

Encourage and allow your child to share opinions as they become older; even if these are not your own opinions.

Point 2: Model Loving your neighbor

*Provide Perspective: Life is not all about “you” it is about helping and sharing with others.

Youth leaders believe that 80 percent of youth ministry should be focused on mission and service teaching youth to be other focused rather than self focused.

Luke 10:25-37 What does this parable teach us about God’s heart for people in need?
How can your family engage in helping others?

Through the activities our church provides making sure to be involved or doing some on own- girl scouts, boy scouts, community organizations…

Point 3: Model community living to your children

*Encourage the fellowship of Christian Peers

A teens peers are powerful influences in his/her life, second only to parents, therefore encourage active involvement in church youth groups. This allows for what Hebrews 3 :13 says,” Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”

John 17:20-23

This is a prayer of Jesus so how has this prayer been answered in your family?

How does the church help your child who lives in an individualistic, self-centered, disconnected world?

Ephesians 4:11-16

Small groups, youth groups…. Are encouraging, initimate places to grow. Verse 14 speaks of being tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes… Being grounded in a faith believing body can help keep this from happening to our children.  Giving them the stability of a faith body of believers that are similar to the faith body of believers within your home.  This keeps stability and helps youth to see beliefs not just as those of the parents but those of others around them. This gives more impact to those beliefs because they are “spoken” by more than you.

*Commit to family devotions:

prayer time, meal time…

Closure:

Parenting can be the highest form of discipleship. Really that should relieve the stress of parenting knowing that we are not doing this alone, but with God on our side.

*Pray a lot:

Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God”

Nordman writes ” Pray for the Holy Spirit to work in your teen’s heart. Praying requires patience and perseverance. It may seem easier to just continually tell your teen what you want him/her to do, but that will not be nearly as effective.”  

When Jesus looks at your child(ren) what is His desire for them in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? What specific word, deed or action do you need to offer today to take a step towards that vision for your child (ren)?

“Teenagers long to do what’s right. They long to be loved and cared for by their parents. They long to grow into healthy, fully functioning adults. Unfortunately, they sometimes make choices that derail their best intentions. But with God’s help, they can indeed survive adolescence with the light of God shining brightly in their lives.”

A Parent’s Prayer

Loving God,

You are the giver of all we possess,

the source of all our blessings.

We thank and praise you.

Thank you for the gift of our children.

Help us to set boundaries for them,

and yet encourage them to explore.

Give us the strength and courage to treat

each day as a fresh start.

May our children come to know you, the one true God,

and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.

May your Holy Spirit help them to grow

in faith, hope, and love,

so they may know peace, truth, and goodness.

May their ears hear your voice.

May their eyes see your presence in all things.

May their lips proclaim your word.

May their hearts be your dwelling place.

May their hands do works of charity.

May their feet walk in the way of Jesus Christ,

Your Son and our Lord. Amen

Catholic: Prayer for Catholic Families. Loyola Press: Chicago, 1998

Dear God,

I need to talk to you for a minute about these kids you gave me.

First of all, let me make this clear. I adore them. They amaze me, million different times throughout each day.

They are clearly your creation and not my own. And for this, I am thankful. I could have never come up with something this wonderful, even if you had asked me to write out what I had in mind on paper before they were born.

But, I want you to know that I am scared. The world looks to me, as their parent, to teach them and protect them, raising them to be successful adults. I wonder why, then, must the world work against me on every step?

As a little girl, my precious daughter – well, actually, she is Your precious daughter – happily skipped through each day, treasuring each moment and believing anything was possible. But she lost her joy along the way to being a teenager. Now, her days are filled with paralyzing self doubt and deceptive invitations to the path of acceptance.

My adorable son, who once started each day by holding my face in his hands just to tell me he loved me, can no longer look me in the eye. He tries to hide behind walls built over time, convinced that I will never understand him. But I see through to his breaking heart, and mine breaks right along with his. It always has. Always will.

These are your children. And they are perfect. How can I get them to see that? How can I protect them from the false expectations of their peers, who are all struggling to find their way just the same? How can I prove to them that they were designed to stand out, rather than to fit in?

Sometimes, I watch them sleeping and this is my silent prayer for them:

Hold them in your arms as they go through their day.

Reveal yourself to them often, proving that they are never alone.

Help them to be strong enough to make a difference; to change the lives of others rather than changing who they are to fit in.

Make their paths straight before them, just as you promised to do, and then give them the strength to follow.

The decisions they make today can alter the path of the rest of their lives. Please help them to better understand this, and protect them when the time arrives to make those choices.

Show them that the rules we have in place are to protect them; not to prevent them from having fun, but rather to keep them from crossing lines into adulthood long before they are ready. Help them understand that once you cross those lines, there is no going back to being a kid.

Help them never to doubt you, especially when teachers and others cause them to question their beliefs. How can they ever find their true value if they believe they were an accident or grew from the ground or from monkeys of some sort? Their very existence proves that You are real, so please comfort them and give them your answers long before they need them.

I pray these same things for their future spouses and children. Protect their future and create it in a way that brings them all closer together and to you in the end.

And God, please keep whispering these things to them until they are ready for me to tell them face to face.

Because Lord, I adore my teens, and am so thankful you chose me to be their parent.

Give me what I need to do the job you asked of me, and hold me when I’m scared. I never want to let either you or them down.

In Jesus Name,

Amen